Burying Myself In My Art
I've had this on-again off-again argument going with various individuals about the level of my participation in the continual protestations of today's tyrannical administration. In the beginning I was 100% about signing petitions and marches and whatnot. And now, I see that none of that has done any good, thus far. Why? Because the Trump dictatorship does not care. We have a "leader" who is obviously in the beginning stages of dementia, who is a narcissistic, sociopathic, sexual predator who's only interest is in his "ratings".
We have a Nazi backing him (Bannon), a woman who has completely become unhinged booking her own press gigs (Conway), and a press secretary who looks 90% of the time like he's about to completely crack from the number of lies he is forced to regurgitate. We are watching on a daily basis our basic civil rights repealed, environmental protections dismantled, and the "separation of church and state" obliterated as the ultra conservative alt-right moves in waves to deconstruct everything we have fought for since the establishment of this country.
Do you feel overwhelmed? I do. In fact, I have never in my life felt so completely hopeless. People march. People protest. I am sent a dozen petitions a day to sign. But you know the only thing that will take down this administration. And no one is willing to admit. Because the thought is just too horrible.
Last night I had a nightmare that I was actually working in the White House. And, in secret, Bannon and Trump had decided to mark a date to launch a nuclear weapon at Syria and Iran. I found out by accident and spent the rest of the dream running around trying to figure out a way to stop this from happening. But then I realized I was on a boat and the ocean was rising and there was no way to get back to land before the launch were to occur.
I figure that's a good analogy for how I've been feeling lately...
So, what have I been doing? The answer is burying myself in art. 90% of it isn't sellable. It isn't meant for commercial consumption. It is purely to get the demons out. In the process if something comes together and someone would like to purchase it, great. But I don't know any other way of coping at this point than simply being surrounded by art. Yes, it may not be what I'm "supposed" to be working on. I should be finishing that book manuscript. I should be working on that next business proposal. But sometimes, as an artist, you don't get to choose what you work on. Your heart does. Your brain does. Your soul does.
So, for those who question what I'm working on, or why I haven't been to EVERY march, rally, town hall meeting, or petition drive, know that I'm working things out in my own way. I have to figure out what this all means to me and where I fit in. I have to figure out what I can actually do that will make a difference and not just be a frustrating waste of my time.
And in the meantime, I will create art. As much as I can, as often as I can. And every single thing I create is important. Simply because it was created in a time when creation of art is as precious as every petition written and signed and never read by the White House...