Melting Snowflakes

Each day begins with nausea. Slight headache. Followed by water and 12 different vitamins that are taken as preventative efforts. I need to leave the apartment. I need to get out of here. Sit on the balcony and try to meditate. A hornet lands on my head. Well, that’s that. Back inside. I’m trapped by news and my own belief that humanity is pretty fucking despicable and self-entitled. So I stay. In this apartment that I actually fought so hard for. Thought it would be a step up in the world. Thought I would actually be “making it”, but then realized it was riddled with cheap finishes and laminates. A good metaphor for this country… And so I work. And stick to this routine that has become a prison sentence. Wake. Vitamins. Breakfast. Work. Water. Work. Lunch. Work. Workout. Walk the halls of this prison with my face mask in hand in case I spy someone walking towards me. Swift to place it on because usually they aren’t wearing one. Plague monkeys. Melting snowflakes. The product of too many gold stars and hours left alone to surf the internet unsupervised. I hear of people I know who keep losing people. I hear of my friends and acquaintances who now need lung transplants and more. I watch local bars run by Nazi racists finally closed. I watch other good people I know lose their restaurants… I try to breath… I try to breathe… Always on the point of crying. That quick, tightening in the base of your throat, just above your rib cage that makes you gasp and hold your breath. And when you do you pray that you won’t start crying. Because if you do, it will never end… Work. Work. Work. Chair and Netflix… Work. Work. Work. Chair and Netflix… Day in. Day out. And all because half of this country would rather sacrifice themselves to some stubborn death cult they do not even have the IQ to understand. How can there be such hatred? How can there be such racism? How can there be such disregard for life? How can there be such disregard for the earth itself? Too much… Too much… Too much for one mind to deal with… But I do… Every. Single. Day…

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